On a worryingly frequent occasion a friend will say to me, ‘Have you seen the latest episode South Park? It’s so funny!’ to which I will reply, ‘I took the step into adulthood a long time ago. Feel free to join me.’ You see, some things are just no longer acceptable once you pass the age of 16 – no matter how much of a penchant you may have for them. Here is a list of some of those things.
Smoking weed
Smoking cigarettes
Playing computer games
Skateboarding
Blogging
Crying over football
Crying
Playing frisbee in the park
Listening to UK hip-hop
Not knowing the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ and not understanding how to use apostrophes
Listening to metal
Having a TV in your bedroom
Swearing twice in the same sentence
Wearing a backpack
Putting sugar in your tea
Sewing badges on your clothes
Eating dessert at home
Kissing for hours
Having a hero
Cycling for fun
Watching Star Wars
Having a pet snake
Shaving your head (unless it’s for medical reasons/because you are going bald)
Living in the countryside
Wearing football shirts
Collecting anything apart from money
High-fiving
Camping
Getting excited by and playing in the snow
Having a best friend
Kissing your dad
Leaving angry comments online
Treating yourself to a bath every day
Watching soaps
Sitting behind your friend on an empty bus, rather than next to them
Using the word ‘safe’
Being a fan of Jay-Z
Lying about having sex
Disliking vegetables
Being impressed by famous people
Having a Christmas present request list
Graffiti
Fingering a girl outdoors
Fancy dress
Not splitting the bill equally when having a group meal in a restaurant
Having photos of models on your bedroom wall
Wearing a cap
Hating the police
Fancying your cousin
Mixing Coca-Cola with alcohol
Waking up at midday or later
Dancing at home
Having a different voice when you talk to your girlfriend
Shouting at the TV – especially when watching sport
Going to theme parks
Thinking America is cool
Drinking glasses of milk
Pulling out your pubes
Watching Friends
Automatically assuming that all black people are automatically cool
Eating in your bedroom
Being upset if you lend someone a fiver or less and don’t get it back
Wearing a tracksuit
Joining a fantasy football league
Putting less than a tenner on your Oyster card at a time
Making lists of things you dislike
Eating white bread jam sandwiches
Being a sanctimonious little prick when your friend asks you a simple question
Am I allowed to eat Monster Munch in the bath?
making really long lists of things to try and make yourself seem more interesting and funny. The time it took you to write this list I skateboarded to the park to meet my best friend for a quick game of frisbee and made it home in time for a cup of tea (with 2 sugars) fed my pet snake and had a bath.
well this is moist.
you should probably wake the fuck up and realise that South Park has developed into an incredibly incisive satirical cartoon with a fucking brilliant propensity for spoofing and social commentary rather than spending all your time jerking off into a mirror with an enormous sense of self-worth.
I think he’s joking