If my flatmate buys another roll of perfumed toilet paper I swear I’m going to stuff her mouth with it until she chokes. I’m allergic to perfume so every time I wipe I get nervous, like my bum is about to break out into a rash or something. What’s the point of it? Who is sniffing her bum so much that she needs to disguise its odour with chemical flowers? Plus, it’s such a cheap, disgusting smell; it makes our bathroom smell like a granny flat. I’ve also seen fruit-flavoured toilet roll. What do its makers expect you to do with that? Eat it after you’ve wiped your arse?
Words by Dom Tunon
