Have you seen these grotesque eyesores? I am guessing you must have. It’s pretty much impossible to miss a pair of these monster trucks roaring around on the tootsies of every Ally McBeal, Bridget Jones or Dear Deirdre reader across the land between the hours of 9 AM and 5 PM. What are these women thinking? I mean, these things are the footwear equivalent of Anne Widdecombe (especially the open toe sandal variety).
OK, so I am more than aware that when you get to a certain age you need to put in a little more effort. You know, a few more hours go into perfecting your own unique little (or not so little) package. You’ve got to learn to “work with what you’ve got”, as the fat one from Trinny and Susannah might say. I get all of that and I’m into the idea. So with that in mind, it’s obvious why women want to look after their body. This is where these little pairs of rubber-soled miracles come in. Known as MBT (Masai Barefoot Technology) shoes, these new age clogs help you to “mimic the walking stride of the Masai tribe”, giving you results that will “transform your body beyond recognition”. Quite how sticking on a pair of oversized trainers is supposed to turn you from Michelle McManus into Madonna I do not know. Anyone I’ve seen with them seems to be a little on the weebly side, just waddling around with what resembles a couple of meat pies strapped to their feet. Maybe that’s some type of subliminal analogy for stamping out junk food, which these clever Masai people have come up with. You spend all day squidging the pies under your hooves and then you can’t bring yourself to stuff any in your mouth when you get home. That’s the only way I could see these things working.
Words by Juliette Hughes