Chief Poetry Emperor (and self-appointed CEO)
John has written columns for guardian.co.uk, Vice magazine and thefader.com. You can follow him on Twitter here. He doesn’t always talk in the third person.
Chris is from the US or Canada or somewhere like that and I think he likes to wear baseball caps. He is like the PaulDaniels of web stuff and that kind of thing. He is the man who puts together the spoof ads on the site.
Oscar coerces Paul Morley into emailing his deepest thoughts on the popstars of the minute when he’s drunk.
Head of Daydreaming
In 1995, Miriam lost her midget father in the Aztec zone of Channel 4’s The Crystal Maze. Miriam earns her living writing jokes and sketches for BBC Radio 4 personalities who are too lazy to write their own material. Miriam wrote a thing about a disgruntled hamster and the BBC made it into a short video thing.She does video stuff like this for the site.
Deacon of Fine Arts and Mutilation
Bruno used to have a really big beard and while he was carrying this affliction he, coincidentally, went to a mosque to do some type of investigative journalism type thing and a Muslim man laughed at his facial fur. He writes stuff and doodles on American Apparel adverts.
Executive Online Hamster Groomer
Juliette is grumpy, anti-social and, like many girls, she gets all giddy around cute animals. She is the second most prolific writer on the site.
Wine Monster In-Chief
Ted is an artist of the lowest order and a massive critic of pretty much everything. He loves drinking cheap red wine, watching cookery programmes and being very angry. His favourite phrases are “WHO GIVES A FUCK?” and “GO FUCK YOURSELF”. He does the occasional bit of writing when he can be bothered to get out of bed.
Jack used to spoon down Nutella from the jar (and has been known to finish a whole jar in one sitting). He is like a real-life Mark from Peep Show. He writes stuff.
Kevin Spacey Enthusiast
James is one of those awful student types that everyone hates. The lumpy one from Kasabian once told him to fuck off. He writes stuff for Yep and other things. It’s best just to ignore him
Creative Director of the Dark Arts
Jonnie Craig is a lion with a wig on. His contribution to the world so far has been minimal.
Yep’s Own Bez
James is dyslexic and a massive karaoke fan. His version of ‘Mr Boombastic’ is something to behold. He takes photos.
World Champion Monster Munch Eater in the Bath
Jiro is an insufferable moaner who applies MSG – from a salt shaker – to almost everything he shoves into his opinionated gob. There is a rumour (started by me) that he eats Monster Munch in the bath. He begrudgingly does the occasional bit of illustration for the site.
Associate Dog Walker
Tom is a prolific reader of washing machine manuals and children’s picture books. His greatest achievement to date is walking up Brixton Hill.
Chief Pizza Critic
Joe wrote that thing you might have read that one time, about the thing. You know the one. It’s followed him around since and people won’t shut up about it. Now he wishes it had never happened. It’s the third biggest regret of his life. He’s also dangerously invested in pizza.
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