The chalky spew that is soya milk


This oily, gritty, white puke is disgusting. Even a splash of it renders a cup of tea useless, carpet-bombing the subtle flavours with its crusty granular blandness. It’s the same thing Superman tastes when someone spikes his chips with kryptonite.

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Self-appointed CEOs


Over the last decade the title of CEO has turned from one used to describe someone in an undeniably esteemed position of substantial power – the person in charge of total management of a company – into a cheesy hip-hop cliché.

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I hate the little sign language people who pop up on TV


Recently, it seems impossible to switch on the TV after midnight and find a programme worth watching without an annoying person bouncing around in the corner of the screen. I don’t see why deaf people get special treatment on late night TV.

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MBT shoes, the footwear equivalent of Anne Widdecombe


Have you seen these grotesque eyesores? Quite how sticking on a pair of oversized trainers is supposed to turn you from Michelle McManus into Madonna I do not know.

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The “And finally” section of the News


The “And finally” section gives us an insight into how TV news scare-mongerers attempt to manipulate our emotions in pursuit of ratings.

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