You’re nobody in east London these days unless you’re in an art collective. These gaggles of “artists” – who have names that make very little sense, like Golden Mirage or Neon Futurism – skulk around like twee Malcolm McLarens, thinking they’re part of a decade-defining movement, when all they’re doing is putting on exhibitions with grown men who draw pictures of stuff like an alien playing a guitar. Although their look is quite understated, they are very easy to spot since they all have the appearance of someone who has been dressed by their parents for a day trip to see their grandfather in the countryside in the spring. Read below to find out how to get the look while it’s hot.
Hair: Short, cropped and very neat – like a child on their first day at school. Some of the more adventurous/posher devotees have shaved sides and a quiff.
Hat: Rolled-up beanie that sits on the crown on the head, almost like a skull cap. Must be worn at all times, all year round.
Tattoos: A big no – these guys were never into hardcore, since it doesn’t have a funky enough bassline and has no discernible connection to Africa.
Jacket: The waxed Barbour used to be a defining feature of practitioners of the art collective look, but since this garment wriggled into the mainstream it has been dropped in favour of stonewash vintage denim jackets and sand-coloured American hunting jackets.
Top: T-shirt with one of their own illustrations on the front or a denim shirt buttoned all the way up. In the winter, expect to see them wearing a cast-off from Bill Cosby’s jumper collection or one of your dead gran’s cardigans.
Trousers: Beige Uniqlo jeans or chinos rolled up above the ankle to show off their quirky choice of socks.
Favourite phrases: “Come to the launch of our new T-shirt range at the opening of our secret pop-up gallery in Dalston. Free (warm) booze all around!” “Have you read my new blog post on the unappreciated electronic mood artist Jironechi Sushimunchi?”
Footwear: Lace-up Vans (any colour), (black or white) Reebok Classics or Clark’s desert boots.
Accessories: A tote bag filled with CD-Rs of their latest favourite genre: African chip-disco. Vintage thick-rimmed glasses they bought off a convicted paedophile on eBay.
Girlfriend: A fellow “artist” – often a Scandinavian – who claims to be an illustrator but is unable to draw anything without tracing.
Plaid shirt? Used to be almost essential but they are slowly being phased out in favour of the more quirky and creative Aztec-print shirt.
Fixed-gear bike? Very likely. As long as it’s retro it will do, though.
Illustration by Dan Freeman
this is exactly how i dress.
These are jokes.
how droll.
oh bollocks, was gonna get some reebok classics as well
wow! so clever! wait, maybe if this was published a year and a half ago
Seems like pointing out stereotypes, has become an art-blog-stereotype-thing to do. Not saying I disagree with the article though!
website is full of terrible Sienkiewicz and Pettibon ripoffs that actually can’t really be considered ripoffs at all because they’re such half-assed attempts. Spend some time developing your art, and less of it worrying about people’s style you primadonnas.
What is with all this talk about art? This is quite clearly not an art blog.
Jironechi Suchimunji! HAHAHAHAHAHA
Haha, this is spot on. The only reason anyone doesn’t find this funny is because it describes their style + lives to a T and they’re ashamed.
“wow! so clever! wait, maybe if this was published a year and a half ago”
Y U MAD THO
i agree this is pretty good especially the part about grown men drawing pictures of aliens playing guitars! its the same in san francisco, art is so pathetic now
“wow! so clever! wait, maybe if this was published a year and a half ago”
I LOL @ U
I LOL @ U
I LOL @ U
I LOL @ U
I LOL @ U
I LOL @ U
I LOL @ U
I LOL @ U
I LOL @ U
I LOL @ U
touche… touche
mildly ironic that on the “shop” pages you are selling pictures of aliens (albeit ones without guitars)
Not ironic in the slightest. It was one of many deliberate digs at Jiro.
PS. The pictures are clearly of monsters, not aliens.
I HATE THIS SITE. Useless, pointless, self absorbed crap. I hope you a fall down a hole.
your all cunts people that do this are rich part time graphic designers that pretend there poor by living in east london “keeping it real” getting the 8 when you first moved here you mother dropped you off in her merc estate you fucking cunts
I HATE THIS SITE. Useless, pointless, self absorbed crap. I hope you a fall down a hole.
Is that best you could do??? Fall down a hole hahaha you mug cunt
I’d bet a million fucking pounds all the negative comments come from people who are pissed they’ve been caught out. You’re unimaginative and have no unique style. Suck on it.