8 things that need to GET IN THE SEA

blue whale

Here are some things that need to get in the fucking sea, like, RIGHT NOW!!!!!

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Moments from football history that look like Renaissance paintings


There’s an image doing the rounds likening a brawl in the Ukrainian Parliament to a Renaissance painting. Inspired by that, and a tweet by Dan Sully comparing the above photo of a disconsolate Frank Lampard to an Italian masterpiece, we’ve put together some iconic moments from football history that recall Renaissance art and masterpieces from other classic periods.

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How to set up a pop-up eatery in a few simple steps


If restaurant trends are to be abided, diners no longer want good food in a nice environment, they want an “experience” – one that seemingly involves dilapidated decor, bad service and wildly overrated food. All this – and less – is provided at any of the deluge of “pop-up” restaurants that have recently appeared in London. Here is our easy-to-follow guide of how to set up your very own trendy eatery of this type.

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Wiley really doesn’t like festivals


So poor old Wiley’s had another mishap at a UK festival. Unlike at Glastonbury, he actually waited around to perform at Cumbria’s annual ‘non-profit, grass roots’ festival, CockRock – but only lasted 15 minutes on stage before scurrying off.

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Wiley’s best Glastonbury tweets


The string of a banjo is yet to be plucked on stage this year at Worthy Farm and already the entire internet has had to endure days of incessant social media boasting about what a “totally bloody woooooo” time everybody will be having at “Glasto”. Friends you previously thought to possess both a sound mind and good taste are now unable to stop talking about how much they’re looking forward to a weekend of fire poi, foot rot and Phill Jupitus.

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A spotter’s guide to the many mannequins of Westfield M&S


I am lucky enough to work near the monolith that is the Westfield shopping centre in Shepherd’s Bush. A big shiny monument to shit that you don’t need to buy it may well be, but it’s also pretty handy when you’ve spilt a cup of tea on yourself and need to make an emergency shirt purchase on your lunch break.

The jewel in the crown is its branch of Marks and Spencer. Normally you’d expect nothing of note bar gratuitously offensive Blue Harbour fleeces or functional yet unexciting underwear, but whoever they get to dress and pose their mannequins is either a genius or works there under the Care in the Community scheme. Take a look for yourself.

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A list of descriptors used by estate agents that could also describe boobs

estate man

Dealing with estate agents is a traumatic experience (the one who is currently harassing me with daily inane phone calls seems to have the IQ of a pot of creme fraiche) but it can be made more fun by taking some of the most cliched phrases they use as boob-related double entendres. Look below to see what I mean.

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Three fun ways Margaret Thatcher’s £10m funeral fund could have been spent

maggie thatcher dead

Even though the witch is dead, the tedious discussion about her life continues. The latest hot topic seems to be that the £10 million funeral cost and George Osborne’s tears could have been better spent elsewhere. And I totally agree. That’s why I’ve come up with three fun yet useful ways the people of Britain could enjoy the cash poured into Margaret Thatcher’s funeral fund.

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